When to become exclusive in dating
If you’re in the place where you want to be exclusive with this person, I’ll talk about how I would approach it.Let me emphasize this before we begin: Being aggressive is generally a really bad idea!However, I wanted to take some time to just talk about getting to “exclusive” based on the number of emails I’ve been getting about this lately.I understand why people I talk to look at me cross-eyed when I say that it’s not wrong for the person their dating to continue to be active online. While it may not seem kind, dating multiple people is one of the key benefits of online dating in my mind."How is dating her exclusively any different from calling her your girlfriend?" I asked a friend who had recently broached the exclusivity threshold with his consistent hookup.Indeed, labels are often black and white, imposing undesirable norms upon huge swaths of people to whom rigid conventions cannot and should not be applied. I mean, honestly, why is it such a big deal to call someone your boyfriend or girlfriend?
You might then say something like this: Well, in that case it’s time to move the relationship to an exclusive relationship or, failing that, to a place where you know what you can expect from the relationship."You're spending a lot of time together, going out on dates, meeting each other's friends, and not seeing anyone else.Sounds like a girlfriend to me." "It is an unspoken understanding," he said, "In agreeing to be exclusive, we're basically saying, 'I like you and want to see if this continues to be good, so I won't do anything with anyone else that could mess this up, but officially calling you is a little too much at this point.'" Ok, so...The fallout (or perhaps, benefit) from this aversion to labels remains to be seen.I get quite a few emails from people struggling to handle the situation where the person they’re dating is still active online.